"A photograph of what I'm grateful for/my child;
once a week, every week." 

When that someone hug you so tight,
all your broken pieces will stick back together.

So he left yet again...
Yes, I'm saying he's back then he's gone.

I'd say when he returned last fortnight, I wanted him all for myself.
It's like he's gotta make up for all the lost time we've been away.
Two and a half month with 4 days break in between,
I don't think I can tolerate longer than that.

But who am I kidding. He's been away from everybody
and he's gotta make up for everything! In a mere 10 days.

I wanted to fill it up with good ol' 'quality time'
but there were too many things and too little time.
Tried squeezing in things each and everyday left us (ehem me)
with huge brimming bubble of frustation... that popped couple of times
with downpour of tears for absolutely ridiculous reasons.

But he fixed it with ice cream treat, all ears to a long
deep conversation by the roadside.
He just knows his wife too well and I'm all cured.

He's just away and he's not around.
That - does not make him absent.

  • Monday, March 31, 2014


That Monday, I walked into the office not expecting it'd sound that quiet... and deserted,
 when everybody were around (this normally happens when most of the officers are on duty travel, but it wasn't). It was a grave silence. 

We were literally mourning only after 48 hours. 
It's not like we stopped having hopes.
But our technical capacity tells us anything beyond it is miracle.

I walked to the pantry, a place where we can talk technical issues informally and throw stupid questions without being judged. It's like our kedai kopi. An info-cultured kedai kopi cum informal meeting room where everybody talk, everybody listen, everybody learn. 

There were the frequent participants but it was strangely quiet, conversations were made in low tone voices. It's almost like everybody was whispering. Overheard our Deputy Director who is a 'maintenance' subject matter expert (SME) threw questions to our avionics SME on equipment installation, accessibility and control etc. Here, we know we are not the expert of everything. And we acknowledge the fact that somebody else may know more than we do.
We seek information and facts. But not truth. Truth is not within our workscope.

It never fails to amaze me when non-experts dare to open their mouth and blabber.
My benchmark are all these experienced aviation experts around me who would rather keep quiet for they know that they do not know the extent of the situation for them to speak up.
So those of you who keep talking, what do you want? To get to the truth? Like seriously?
Just by talking and posting on FB and spreading things on Whatsapp? Who are you? Next-of-kin? Will truth do you good, change the your life?

It has changed our life.
It has changed Malaysia.
It has changed the history.

Not only we should accept that it has happened, The All-Knowing let it happened.
Given the current situation, it is so hard to get to  the information and facts.
And therefore, the truth.
The All-Knowing will lead us there.

We have to practice more to be practicing.

It has became more quiet and deserted since then
now they're (SMEs) on site supporting the Director General.

For more info:
  • Thursday, March 27, 2014


"A photograph of what I'm grateful for/my child;
once a week, every week." 

"Mama, nak tenok termin..."

I was getting ready for work.
Knew something was up when she said it,
turned around & saw both eyes were made up. 
Top & bottom lash lines.
I was there ALL THE WHILE.
Didn't realize when she took it...
and it's not the 1st time! 

  • Friday, March 07, 2014

As she gets older...

...it will get harder, I presume.
I'm not anticipating the 'hard' part but it gets harder each day now that she's able to
speak her mind and express her feelings; outwardly or subtly.

Her 1st question each and every morning when she wakes up...
Her 1st question each and everytime we enter our house...
"Mama, abah mana?"
...never failed to break my heart a little.

It isn't like she doesn't know.
And I would then throw the question back to her
and she would have a descriptive answer that follows.
She knows and she keeps asking.

Maybe it is me she's trying to convince?

One night, I was crying over a romantic movie and she came, wiped away my tears and said,
"Dah... dah... eh? Nanti abah balik..."
I wonder where that came from??!!

He texted me this short movie the other day and I cried a river.
  • Wednesday, March 05, 2014