Monday, October 20, 2014

43/52

"A photograph of what I'm grateful for/my child;
once a week, every week." 


Someday, baby girl... someday.

Was watching Paul Walker in Hours, where throughout the struggle, the baby finally survived on her own and cried for the first time.
She was picked and placed on the chest of her father.

Then A and I both were surprised to hear another crying coming from our bedroom. She was laying by my side watching the movie along and suddenly she was in the room after the final scene. Crying ever so sadly.

Wonder what she was up to, I went on to check. This is of her common act these days to show she's sulking. But out of nowhere?
Why, I wonder.

So I asked why is she so sad.

"Nak babyyyy jugakkk..."
"Nak adikkkk tapi tak dapatttt ponnn"

= ____ ="

So I explained it's within Allah's decree to grant us the blessing.
All we can do now is be patient. I made her promised that when the time comes, she will be a good big sister.

Told her not to be sad, coz I've been fine all these while,
that her being sad will break my heart.


Trust me it's annoying for people to think it is intentional. 
Keep the unintentional comment aside, say a silent prayer instead - better yet, for your own insensitive heart.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

42/52

"A photograph of what I'm grateful for/my child;
once a week, every week." 


Starting on a new notebook as my 2013's running out of empty space.

It was last 2 years when I saw it on my superior's table
 among all other diaries courtesy of our clientele. Was pleased he willingly gave it to me as he had one too many :D

In my class, I was known as someone who had had problems completing my homework that I'd get whipped on multiple occasions and still come with blank pages (which might be completed
under the desk while the teacher is teaching). I hardly compose a weekly essay assignment where I always had a great intro followed by imaginary content in an empty space. It is so common that
as the teacher walked in, the first thing she asked is for me to stand up for a whip, even if I managed to accomplish a good write-up that week
and for all those excruciating time, I would like to apologize
to my fellow classmates for the terror I put them through.
Trust me, I feel very sorry and not proud of it.

It took months before the PMR for the teachers to convince me - 
it’s not about the outcome but the commitment 
and for the teachers to be convinced - not to worry about the outcome.

My essays were made exemplary a couple of times even when I was out of the school. The habit and exemplar continued to my next school.


So you may guess where I'm standing when it comes to education.


But I was told I’m a perfectionist
which I strongly detest.
And Nakisha rephrased “Because for you, it’s all or nothing.
Homework specific.
I had to agree.

I realized that I 'might' secretly feel everything that comes out of/through me is a masterpiece... or at least something of 'worth' which shall not be deliberate as routine tasks. This also answers to my cooking, as I am never capable of meeting the routine expectation.

A decade ago, I told Shera my 2nd year pointers had an exponential growth. To which I answered her “How?” question with,
I have a cool notebook and I make sure no blank space for the note of the day! If I missed a point, I’ll strive to fill it up so I don’t miss any!” Literal, yeah I know.

To which she flatly answered, “That issss soooo you...
I know homework don’t apply. But I’m happy for you.

These days, during all-girls meet-ups, I sometimes get
Tak paham betul how you get where you are” followed with
Dulu dia ni malas betul buat homework!” + laughter (minus mine).


It’s ok, that is even better rather than,
Dulu dia ni gedik/perasan/berlagak betul!



p/s: This post shall also justify my 52 weeks project lack of updates :P

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

22/52

"A photograph of what I'm grateful for/my child;
once a week, every week." 


A380. MH 21 : CDG-KUL

Here I am, 37 000 feet above the ground.
As I'm writing this, a Hospital Pantai cardialogist was sleeping
next to me, my cubicle. I seldom express my gratitude in words
as I find nothing can describe it. But I had just finished watching Indonesian '9 Summers 10 Autumns', I'm so overwhelmed with feelings, I should just capture them in my writing.

Despite the feeling of gratefulness that sometimes wash over me,
I always find myself taking things lightly for they are not my first time... Though a lot of things impressed me, I sometimes crave for the feeling of naivete. The first experience. The first impression. These days, eventhough they're the first of kind, I find myself hardly taking it in like my first times.

I do not want the feeling to fade with time, with experience,
with multiple repetitions. Because the path I'm strolling is not ordinary. I'm impressed. Not with myself. But the path. 
And everything along the path.

We always believe and are grateful that we're the chosen ones.
Out of inconvenient circumstances, we are chosen to represent the credibility of the department. And enjoying the privileges that come with it. To hop continents is one thing, right to experiencing the world through duty travel in business coach FOC.

I've never pictured myself in a corporate world.
I believe I'm not cut for it. It's simply not my thing.
But now I am experiencing the same world under technical capacity. I know this is out of ordinary. Putting your opinion out in a room full of world class aviation technical experts,
talking to them like good old friends, if not your own uncle; attending corporate meetings and dinners with the important people, if not the bosses. How can I not be grateful?

If you told me half a decade ago, I would not believe I'd be doing all these. I was even thinking of changing the course of the path into something totally out of the way as in training or teaching. But I still do train and teach :)

I once saw a primary school friend back home and she was surprised with the field I am in. "Your wish came true," she said. 
I forgot how early I started. I only recall the time the whole class validated my dream to be a pilot before being shot down by one of the best RMAF fighter pilot as I was short-sighted. I was only 15.
I decided to be the aircraft engineer instead.

And my path leads me to it. Allah has written it well. Very well. Perfectly tailored to me. 
He has placed me in the best position of its kind.

I have gotten back my perfect eyesight (other post to follow)
and I'm forever grateful I am not a pilot.

Monday, May 5, 2014

19/52

"A photograph of what I'm grateful for/my child;
once a week, every week." 


I have a new BFF and her name is ebay... :P

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

15/52

"A photograph of what I'm grateful for/my child;
once a week, every week." 


My weekdays retreat.

I've been a bit off-course for quite sometimes after our 3 years indoctrination program to meet ICAO qualification as aircraft inspector, now that I was assigned in certification sub-unit
under engineering. It's a whole different game that I have to unlearn everything and literally change the brain. I began
to doubt myself and became numb. But don't get me wrong,
I enjoy this part of specialisation. I still enjoy playing inspector,
but doing certification blew my mind and I can't help it -
I love it every single time.

But I feel dumb for each new cases I encounter and learn and read
and learn and read and learn. And I got off-course as I read, 'cause my favourite reading materials are articles/blogs/short stories.
Not certification standards.

So I decided that I calculate my daily salary and work to the value of what I'm getting paid for, or perform more so that the barakah will materialize in other forms. It's a way to keep myself on track.

And last week, I was 'playing' inspector and was offered
a job and double the current salary.
I just laughed it off. And shrugged it off.
They must be kidding.

I know what I'm currently getting is much less as compared to what the industry is paying; but considering all the things I'm getting : cool colleagues, harmonious working environment, diverse scopes of  knowledge and experiences, paid duty travels, conveniences (it only takes me 10 minutes drive to the office.
I keluar rumah 8.10 AM and punch in before 8.30 AM!) etc etc,
no extra money in the world would be able to buy that!

Then it struck me.
Allah is showing me that I'm getting more out of this! More than just daily salary - that if I were to be paid double the money,
it will still not equate to the total value of things I'm getting.


Ya Rahman Ya Rahim.
Help me diligently serve the country.