Friday, April 17, 2015


Now what has gotten into me.
Tak pe sementara rajin menaip ni, kita tulis je.
Terkenan menaip utk WTF (refer previous post).

So, the last book I've read recently was Catatan Mat Lutfi.
Itu pon masa I was on home-quarantine for conjunctivitis
I don't know whether it can be considered as reading a book because
it feels like reading his blog anyway. Some articles are actually excerpt
from his blog but some seemed to be taken direct from his own diary. 
After all, of late, it's been  how most freelance authors produce books.

Bottom-line, it is interesting. Something I'd definitely suggest to others. I've always love his work, by the way. There are parts that move you
to tears and there are parts that burst you out ROTFL.

But this one part just got stuck in my brain.
*bisur'ah - gesaan "Cepat! Cepat!"

Considering the hadith making comparison of Sirat-al-Mustaqim
to 'lebih halus daripada rambut dan lebih tajam daripada mata pedang' (Hadith Riwayat Muslim),
I'd assumed it will definitely not visible to our naked eyes.

I really hope and prayed that when the time comes,
I'd remember to read Al-Fatihah.
I should have always read it consciously especially in my solat
(you know how we always get on auto-pilot mode).

[1] Dengan nama Allah, Yang Maha Pemurah,
lagi Maha Mengasihani.
[2] Segala puji & syukur bagi Allah, 
Tuhan yang memelihara & mentadbirkan sekalian alam.
[3] Yang Maha Pemurah, lagi Maha Mengasihani.
[4] Yang Menguasai pemerintahan hari Pembalasan
(hari Akhirat).
[5] Engkaulah sahaja (Ya Allah) Yang Kami berserah,
dan kepada Engkaulah sahaja kami memohon pertolongan.
[6] Tunjukilah kami Sirat-al-Mustaqim.
[7] Iaitu jalan orang-orang yang Engkau telah kurniakan nikmat kepada mereka, bukan (jalan) orang-orang yang dimurkai,
dan bukan pula (jalan) orang-orang yang sesat.

Tuesday, April 14, 2015


I arrived fashionably late to 2015.

Had a hectic New Year celebration with my niece's aqiqah back in my hometown and I knew my first few months into the year were shattered when my director declared a 3 weeks duty travel for me.
My January dissipates just like that.
Well, not just like that like that. Had a twin A330 aircraft deliveries in Toulouse but the task has became so generic it's almost like a holiday (without your love ones, so still not fun!) and I hate looking forward to the stack of desk jobs pending and piling up upon returning.

 And I don't want to sound ungrateful but I despise winter travels
let alone for triple the normal duration. Oh, the freezing temperature, the winter jackets, the thermal wears, the layers of outfits for 3 weeks, the luggage full of food stocks and my babies are awayyyy. 

With the miracle work of Allah, I arrived at Schipol airport
boarding room for our transit flight to a familiar face.
"I know you! Papa Humaira & Naqib!"
 Kelakar jgk la husband Faeza macam redha je jawab,
"Oooo kenal kat blog..."
I knew someday mungkin akan terserempak jugak because we're in the same field, tapi tak sangka we got to work together for 3 weeks.
Well, work, eat, travel, shopping. Such a kind & dedicated person.
Kirim salam ye, Faeza! =D 

Also had a chance to spend a couple of days in London
and a short day trip to Monaco (again) and also Amsterdam.
And thanks to my jet-lagged brain, I mistakenly deleted
the whole folder of pictures in my phone (!!!)
so basically I have no proof of existence for a whole year.

Other than those of social media.

Shattered. But gotta live with it somehow.
And don't talk to me about cloud.

That kinda sums up my January.
February I turned 23.
And March we turned 5.

And poof, it's almost Ramadhan.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

WTF (pun intended)

There's this particular thing I (we) had to do that fractured my motivation. For the record, it is not something unethical to start with. 
I see it as favour close to pointless turned into obligation
that is wrongly placed. Or at least that is how we feel. 
But we do it thinking somebody will have to do it anyway.
May Allah bless us with the reward.

It goes on a rotation cycle of 2 to 3 weeks 
and the burden is shared among us. 
We call it WTF coz it sounds like one.
The thing itself and its content. 

There are days when I'm up to it that I returned home like a zombie
and A noticed this. Well, he kinda understand how the system works but I think he forgot I was with him before I was even in the public service. What I'm saying is my foot was once set outside the grass. However, I like the garden I'm currently stepping in except for the fact that we had to deal with some shits as there are animals crossing. 
Well, that's kinda harsh but I'm not taking it back :P

Every field has its animals anyway.

It's strange the effect WTF has on us. There are days we (my colleagues and I - apparently we share similar symptoms - due to stress, I guess) crave for excessive shopping, binging, sleeping and a list of bad habits. 

So, I told A about my fractured motivation and how it has soaked up 
all my interest to even do my (common) favourite things.
Therefore, on those affected days, I even declared I do not want to run my role as a wife or a mother or even myself. He led me to figure out
that I should be doing something different to curb this and I realised that I should be reading books again. It's not like I have not done enough reading lately, but well, those books on the bookshelves,
you know what I mean.

And I guess blogging is also one of it.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Silent Treatment

I'm seriously giving you a silent treatment.
Have you even noticed it?
You better be!

In all my words still I would define it as silence.

I have, in fact, questioned my own silence especially when everything
started and keep unfolding themselves (myself, I mean)
throughout my moment of silence.
And it has been quite a discovery, I'd say.

And it just occurred to me *yesterday that I was probably in denial.
I have to come to term with it.
A lot had happened and discretely affecting our life
though we pretended like it goes on like it’s supposed to be.
We tried to deny it.
But it is not something that we can simply defy.

I figured a hole in my soul.

Perasan nak marahkan seseorang atau sesuatu tapi tak ada orang atau perkara yang boleh disalahkan atau disabitkan kesalahan melainkan hanya redha dan terima.

Aku redha dan terima lubang di jiwa, Ya Allah.
May we all rest in peace.

Just like 'em all.
*yesterday - DCA 2014 video recap

Monday, October 20, 2014


"A photograph of what I'm grateful for/my child;
once a week, every week." 

Someday, baby girl... someday.

Was watching Paul Walker in Hours, where throughout the struggle, the baby finally survived on her own and cried for the first time.
She was picked and placed on the chest of her father.

Then A and I both were surprised to hear another crying coming from our bedroom. She was laying by my side watching the movie along and suddenly she was in the room after the final scene. Crying ever so sadly.

Wonder what she was up to, I went on to check. This is of her common act these days to show she's sulking. But out of nowhere?
Why, I wonder.

So I asked why is she so sad.

"Nak babyyyy jugakkk..."
"Nak adikkkk tapi tak dapatttt ponnn"

= ____ ="

So I explained it's within Allah's decree to grant us the blessing.
All we can do now is be patient. I made her promised that when the time comes, she will be a good big sister.

Told her not to be sad, coz I've been fine all these while,
that her being sad will break my heart.

Trust me it's annoying for people to think it is intentional. 
Keep the unintentional comment aside, say a silent prayer instead - better yet, for your own insensitive heart.