Hey folks!

I remember feeling depressed as a kid for a few days after listening to a folk story of 'Merak
& Gagak'. I was probably 5 then. It was about how Merak (peacock) was painted beautifully by Gagak (crow) and how Merak poured black colour onto Gagak as to return the favour.

I remember asking, "Why black?".

Even if she's helplessly un-artistic, she could at least simply pour other monotonous paint -
say blue, or red, or yellow - crow could have appeared not as attractive as her (if that was truly her intention), but at least... not colourless. (I didn't say all these words at 5, obviously...
but it was what went through my mind.)

My teacher tried to justify the fact all colours finished during the process of colouring Merak,
I said she should do polka dots, or stripes. Or they should make it half colourful and half black - for both. Merak hitam kat bawah, Gagak hitam kat atas, something like that.

But I was told Merak ran out of time and talent and passion and good conscience.

And it depressed a 5-year-old.
And I believe I was not alone.
I still do - believe - the story does depressed other 5-year-olds.

But this is a magical work of art and Gagak didn't get much credit for it.

All are too focused on heartless beautiful Merak; and ugly pitiful Gagak. Hmm.

I've also come across a story of a father telling his son the other folk story "Sang Kancil & Buaya", where Kancil tricked buaya to line up in the river so that he can cross it... 1, 2, 3,  lekuk!
The son looked at the father in the eyes and said,
"How can we say Kancil is smart when he cheated?"

Can I skip folk stories & fairytales for my kids?
Don't answer.
  • Thursday, December 26, 2013

Staying offline

The deal-breaker was when someone asked me,
"Why didn't I know about that?
You didn't mention it in your Facebook nor your blog?

Yes, it pissed me off the first few minutes. 
For I really think I do not have to tell every single thing to the public because I want to protect my personal interests. It was as if when it's not documented in any social network,
it did not exactly happen. So the real life event is considered void?

And what about those who are totally inactive and private?
We do not feel like prying into their life, do we?
They are low-key therefore they deserve to keep their privacy?

Truth is ; it's reversible.
I told you it only pissed me the first few minutes for I am thankful that I realized I can turn it
into my safety blanket. I go wayyyy out to do things at my own account and enjoy the freedom
of nobody not in favour to know about it. It is exhilarating. Keeping the secret, that is ;P
We get to decide how much we wanted to put ourselves out there.

So - blogging; like I have mentioned before, it is my personal space that I'm willing to share.
I try not to sugarcoat my daily life events but I have this tiny lil vow I made to myself -
If it's negative, it will not be likely to get documented.
That is how I shield myself from unhappiness as I do not want to be reminded by 'em all.

I have this personal favourite poem (since I was 17), 
extracted from some Form 4 English Literature reference book.
And it is always been my favourite.

Written in 1895 by British Nobel laureate, 
Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;
If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!
  • Wednesday, February 13, 2013

It feels like cheating...

Yeah, I have to admit, honestly, posting a blog entry by extracting quotes, parading images;
just for the sake of posting, without really writing; does feel like cheating.

No, I'm not gonna give any excuses on how occupied or busy or eventful or demanding; motherhood, marriage, job, life as a whole; currently are because I know I would be lying
if I say any of those things. I honestly questioned myself the same thing but I have to admit
none of those is the answer.

(Via Pinterest)
Yes, I think all of us should.
Or not, if you truly are... ;)

Therefore I have to say: I chose not to write, I chose to live offline (although not completely...). And no I'm not going to blame my mood either... It's like telling myself, "Yes, I do need this detox." And hell yeah, it does feel so damn good. It's like I'm making a point to myself that all the online part of me is not alive nor it is an extension of myself. I want/have to be able to live without it. 
I think I succeeded somewhere in between the lines.

However, whenever I read good entries or postings, bila membaca tulisan-tulisan yang ikhlas, yang bermakna, yang berjiwa... rasa nak pecah dada rasa nak menulis juga... But I want to be conscious in my writing. Conscious with my messages, conscious with my feelings.

Because there are so many things going inside me, inside my head that need to be pen down,
for myself, mostly. I need a reminder for myself in the first place, and an outlet so I would
at least stop thinking about it (or stop thinking about writing about it...).

Am definitely doing this for myself. 
  • Tuesday, February 05, 2013